Never Meant to Let you Down

In a late afternoon in 1990, little monotone is on his way home from school. He's lost his bus pass earlier at recess today, so reluctantly he walked home. Being the smart ass he is, he tried to take a short cut in the back alley. The sky got darker as he proceed. He lost his way, but found something else....

My bus went passed Towner area this evening, and I decided to drop down. I took a slow walk to my old primary school. Its weird isn't it? When you go back to your childhood places, its seems that the places is exactly the same as you left it. Time casted and fixed. It stared at the old walls, reminiscing. Fresh coats of paints, renovations and a change of names for this school doesn't erase my memories. Enjoying the cool breeze, I walk home from there, bashing through the back alleys.
Dejay vu. Been here before... different perspective... Suddenly out of nowhere, a kid ran into me. I look at his uniform, Balestier Primary? I thought they closed the school long ago. I examine his face... Oh fuck! It's me from the past. He seems to recognize that too.

"What are you doing here, shouldn't you be at home at this time?"
"I lost my bus pass. Since you are my future, do you remember where I place it?"
"It's so long ago, I don't even remember that I lost my bus pass. Here's some coins, take the bus home"
"I can't use that. Its money from the future."
"Aiyah fuck you la, the money have not change. Just take it."
"So, tell me about the future. Flying cars and aliens and stuff?"
"Wah lao, I thought I used to be smart. Cut that crap. If there's flying cars, I wouldn't be walking home now."
"Then did I end up with the pretty girl from class 3-2?"
"Who the hell is that?"
"you know, the only cute one with the pigtails?"
"Like I say, its so long ago, I don't even remember who is that"
"So what does my future girlfriend looks like?
"Don't have any now."
"Hmmm... have may you have in total?"
"...About...one ?"
"One? How fuck up can you get?"
"Hey, going to an all boys secondary school is a mistake ok?"
"How about after that?"
"Well, I dunno... after that it goes downhill all the way I guess"
"wah lao.... so are you earning big bucks now?"
"Not really."
"Why not?"
"Times are hard... its not that easy to earn money you know? I've tried my best."
"Your best is not good enough! Look my results have always been good. I shouldn't have end up as a loser like you!"
"Hey. Its not that easy growing up. The world is not as simple as you think."
"What's so difficult? You work hard, you earn more."
"The society have change. Its not like that anymore."
"Still... I'm better then the rest... I should achieve more"
"See... that’s what I fucking hate about you. You always think so highly of yourself. That will cause your fall in the future.... and that's me"
"Don't blame me for your failures! You fucking loser. You are nothing"
"I.... I'm sorry that you felt this way about me. I guess I really disappoint you"
"Of course you did!"
"If you think you can do better... go ahead and try. Just want you to know that I have done my best. Sorry I didn't turn out what you expected me to be."
"I will definitely be better than this... you'll see"

With that the kid ran away, leaving me standing there. I continue to walk home. I don't know how or what to feel. When I apologise to the kid, I was actually saying sorry to my present self. Why didn't I end up as what I wanted to be? how will I end up in the future? I felt a part of me has died.

That night, little monotone went home and did his homework straight. He has to work hard, to fight for the future.