Stand By Me

It was supposed to be a peaceful day.

Like any other lazy Saturday, I was just lying around, refusing to wake up early when suddenly a loud speaker alarm went off. I peep out my window and saw this guy shouting at the top of his voice through the loudspeaker.

“All of you come down now! Gather at the field below!”

Thinking its something urgent, I rush down immediately. It’s definitely a rare sight to see everyone, squeezing in the life and most running down the stairs. Trust me, I’ve never seen 80 year olds run before. I almost thought world war three is here.

Most people are sitting neatly in rows as I came down. People from the town council are there, enforcing order and discipline. In less than 10 minutes the whole block 868 was down sited at the field. No one knew what was going on. No one dared to ask. Silence was choked the air.

The MP slowly walks up. Everyone starts to mutter curiously. Town council members sprung into action to maintain silence. Those caught talking were force to stand at the back. The MP cleared his throat and spoke.

“Ok 868, Very simple. Who down here dunno wat is the IMF? Everyone know right? Excellent.

OK, what happen is, these Ang moh come to Singapore huh, they wan to look around. Because why? Because Ang mo live in Ang Mo chu. They never seen your lock cok HDB in their country before, understand? So Lan lan, they want to see, we have to show them. Corrite?

FOk basically what will happen now is, They will come later to see. So I want all of you to go up, clean your house and get ready to show them ok? Later when they come, All of your will be standing outside your house. I will be down here greeting them and bring them up, do you roger so far?

You all look up ah, from here I can see the whole block. If later when I greet them , any of you motherfather moves, you will jolly well get it from me understand! Ah!

If you so suay the Ang Moh step into your house. Answer them in English understand? Dun need to think one. Everything say Very good, and end with SIR! Can liao.

You have 1 hour to clean your bloody house before They come, so u better hurry up!”

Everyone sat there, staring in disbelief.

“Waiting for What?” Your 1 hour starts 5 minutes ago! GO! GO! GO!”

The crowd makes a mad rush for the life lobby

“Oi! Who say you can use the lift. Later spoil like how? I carry the Ang Moh up ah? You all got hand got leg, Using the fucking stairs!

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I wore my smartest clothes as I made a final check for any dust. Members of the town council made random inspections around the block.

“Lai Liao, Lai Liao. Get leady!”

Like prairie dogs, the town council members stood up, look down, and made a dash to fall in. We quickly get into position, standing stiff and silently, waiting for the guests to come, straining our ears to listen to what’s happening.

“868, Thiam!”

“mumble , mumble…. Total strength 528 …. Present….. Mumble.. mumble”

“868. At ease!”

“868!”

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I stood there waiting. 20 minutes gone by. Nothing happens. Suddenly the lift opens, an Ang moh walks out with the MP following nervously behind. Like he own the whole fucking building, he walk straight pass me into my house. Stroll around wondering in awe how we fit into such a small place.

“Is this your apartment, son?”

I never understand why Ang Moh like to call others “son”, guess its their equivalent of “Lim peh”. Trying to figure out his thick accent, I muster my all my language ability and answered

“Yes. Very Good Sir! This is a part of the whole building. My house, Sir!”

“So how’s the food here?

“Yes . Very Spicy Sir!”

“Ah I see. What is your vocation, son?

“Yes Very Good Sir! I working now. No school, so no more vacation, Sir!”

The Ang Moh just smiled and walk away….

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Back at the field the MP was obviously happy that the guest didn’t find fault in his visit here.

“Ok 868, the visit was ok ah. Some of your house are still fucking dirty. Lucky the Ang Moh didn’t see it. My town council members have take down your name liao. Those that kena, will do burn your weekend help me pick up phone calls at the town council understand. Ok you all can kindly fuck off liao. I wan you all to disappear from here in 10 seconds. Move!”

Damn. It was supposed to be a peaceful day.